Today has been no better for me than it was last week. I feel a constant battle inside. I do not need for you to understand. Only to listen, or read, if you will. Should you feel the need to comment I will be accepting of that and will even look forward to hearing your stories.I wrote this today for lack of any other inspiration. I hope that you enjoy but I certainly hope you do not relate. I wold not wish this on my worst enemy.
For me, making a choice is never easy. I can’t just have someone ask a question and give a simple answer. I need to know the pros and cons. I have to gather the facts. This is why it takes me so long to make a decision.
Here I am in limbo again. One foot firmly planted in the familiar, the other waiting to be placed on the path that takes me away. I like to think I have a traveler’s soul but skeptic mind. In my world, it’s hard to appease both. It’s either one or the other. And though I always favor the routine and familiar, I long for the day my heart will win the battle.
One day I want to pack up and be on my way to anywhere and everywhere. It’s not that simple though, I suppose. There’s finances and things as such. There’s family. There’s security. There is every plan I’ve ever made staring me down, asking when we’ll finally do it.
To leave is to run out on those dreams. But to stay is kill the others. I wish I could find my happy medium. To one day balance my mind and soul. Until then I’m frozen, trying to solve the equations. Evaluate the risks. Trying to find my happy.