A Letter To January

Dear January,

It’s hard to believe you’re almost gone already. I wonder if it’s because I’ve spent this month counting the days for the next big thing, or if I’m just getting older so time seems to pass quicker now.

I have a favorite song this month that sums up my feelings quite well.

Am I the only one
wishing life away?
Never caught up in the moment
busy begging the past to stay
Memories painted with much brighter ink;
they tell me I loved, teach me how to think.
I’m sick of faking diary entries,
got to get it in my head; I’ll never be sixteen again
I’m waiting to live, still waiting to love
oh it’ll be over, and I’ll still be asking when

This weekend I spent a day with some good friends where I used to live. At first, it felt like coming home but suddenly it felt wrong. I was overcome with a sadness and realization about how much had changed. These were the same roads I drove for months to do the same thing I had been doing constantly before moving, and instead of comfort I felt out of place. I felt like I no longer fit in that life. I spent the day telling myself I needed to enjoy the time I had because I don’t know when I’ll get to see these people again instead of just naturally feeling that way.

I’ve realized that I don’t know how to be okay with having bad days. I’m either up or I’m paralyzed by the slightest down. I know that I’m going to get through it and that eventually I’ll have a breakthrough but sometimes it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, if you will. Progress is never a straight line and I know sometimes things get worse before they get better but I am just ready for the time when it’s better. Is that too much to ask, January?

We have only 6 more days together, January, and one of those is my birthday. We should spend our time celebrating instead. So that’s what we’re going to do.

How will you make the most of the last week of this month? Feel free to celebrate with me. You’ll be getting a post on my actual birthday so feel free to have slice of cake (or ten)

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