What a whirlwind you’ve been. I did not expect for my life to be going in this direction. What direction that is, I’m not quite sure. It’s new and uncertain and so very different. Everyday I am faced with reminders of how different things are from the last time. Or really, how different things are compared to 6 months ago.
I didn’t want to move here and I certainly didn’t plan to stay. I don’t have my heart set here, June, but life is surprising.
I haven’t written to you as much as I would have liked to. I needed a break, June, and so I’ve taken one. I’m trying to allow myself the time to feel pain and happiness and all the emotions my little heart can muster. It isn’t easy, June. I just want to run away. I want to keep running until I lose myself all over again.
Oh Lord, Oh Lord, what do I do?
I’ve fallen for someone who’s nothing like you
He’s raised on the edge of the devil’s backbone
Oh I just wanna take him home
I’m scared, June. I don’t know how else to put it. I keep looking for excuses to get me back to where I was before and it’s like they’ve all disappeared. I got here by my own doing but I also am not prepared to fully commit. I guess that’s how I protect myself, June. However, in doing so, I feel like I’m pushing away something that might be good. Of course, June, it could be bad. Only time will tell.
What would you tell me to do, June? Are you listening at all? Am I wrong for being like this? My head is filled with questions, June. All of them unable to be resolved with a simple answer. Why me? Why now? What happens next? Where do I go from here? What if? What if? What if?
Until next time,