Usually I would spend our last days together rounding up all of my accomplishments and putting them into a tidy list to look back on for years to come. This time is different, 2017. I spent a significant portion of this year losing myself time and time again. I began this year setting a list of measurable goals that I proceeded to not complete.
I wanted to look back and revel in all the growth I’ve seen. As I look back at where I was at this point last year and I feel like we took one step forward just to take another back. I wanted to give you better, 2017. I wanted to give you more poetry and music. I wanted to give you more healing and understanding. I wanted to give you so much.
Instead, I gave you a countless amount of breakdowns, 2017. I gave you tears and heartache. I gave you silent treatments and lost friendships. I gave you messy rooms and weekends in bed. And now I’m giving you goodbye.
I will not promise that I can change all of these things in the future, 2017, only that I will work on it. I will put one step in front of the other and keep on carrying on. I will remind myself that even through all the bad I gave you more than just that.
I also gave you new experiences, 2017. I gave you late night conversations that blossomed into a relationship. I gave you new friends. I gave you trips to the coast and the zoo. I even gave you trips to Texas and amusement parks. I gave you the feeling of giving to the ones you care about. I gave you laughter, despite the tears.
I guess it’s gonna break me down
Like fallin’ when I’m try to fly
It’s sad but sometimes
Moving on with the rest of your life
When I look back on this time years from now, 2017, I want to remember a few things. Change cannot happen overnight. It’s okay to miss the past. Most importantly, it’s okay to not be okay. I am merely human, 2017, flawed and imperfect.
Although January 1st is just another day, 2017, it symbolizes a fresh start. At midnight the world collectively turned the page, finished your chapter and promised that we will move forward in bettering ourselves. Some of us might pick up yoga or a new diet. Some will create new budgets and 5 year plans. Then there are some who will just wake up, wash this year from their hair and say good morning to a new day.
In the coming year, may you be safe, may you be healthy and may you live with happiness and ease.