A Letter to December (2018)

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Dear December,

You didn’t snow this year. At least where I live. I’m sure I’ll forgive you for that.

This month has been about reflection, as you could imagine, December. Tomorrow we count down the seconds, drink champagne and kiss our partners at the stroke of midnight. It won’t matter what goals we’ve not accomplished because a new day is coming. We will look to the future and carry on.

Today, however, I sit in my room surrounded by the mess I’ve made wondering how I ever let it get like this. How easy it is to excuse a small habit over and over again until one day it’s out of control. This happens to the best of us, December. I mean this in a positive note. Everything happens gradually and then suddenly. Not just the bad habits, but also the good ones.

It’s so common to tear ourselves down for not accomplishing the goals we set out for at the beginning of the year that we forget the things we did accomplish. Maybe this year I didn’t lose the weight I wanted to but I was able to maintain it and not gain more. Maybe this year I didn’t keep much money in my savings account but I was able to pay a chunk of my school loans. Sometimes failures bring you closer to success, December.

In these last few months I have shifted my focus onto letting go of an identity I wasn’t sure I could ever part with. I know that I am more than the sad girl, December. I have spent time reflecting on previous versions of myself knowing there was once a time I felt happy more times than not. I understand that, mental illness or not, I have allowed myself to get to this point. And it will be up to me to find myself again.

Once upon another time
Somebody’s hands who felt like mine
Turned the key and took a drive
Was free

In years past, I have been adamant about not setting New Years resolutions because I wanted to focus more on what I have done than the outlandish goals I want to achieve. Although I still believe in celebrating my success, December, I realize that I cannot succeed if I have nothing to measure.

I don’t think I am ready to share my goals so publicly, December, but I want you to know they exist. I want you to know that I will not only succeed, I will exceed. I will overcome. I will make time instead of excuses. I will learn to say no more and also be more open to new ideas and experiences.

I know that I cannot predict the future, but I can certainly create it. So here’s to living the life you want to live, December. It’s never too late.

Until next time,

Rebekah

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