Undone and Other Themes

I’ve seen so many people searching for a word to describe 2018. Some find exactly the word they need and some find many. I found ‘Undone.’ More on that later.

My boyfriend sent me this article the other day and I think it’s really worth the read. The article is about how at the core of resolutions, you will find habits. I have many habits from good to bad and everything in between. One of my worst habits is tearing myself down (even if John-Robert says its nail biting.) There are a lot of things I’ve called myself this year. Messy, incomplete, broken, sad, the list goes on. If I pulled together everything I said and wrote in 2018, I think my most common phrase would be “why am I like this?”

I struggle with feeling good enough, happy enough, loving enough, overall enough. In the past three years on this blog I have written about growth and progress and falling behind. In these years I think that it’s increasingly more clear that healing is not a linear process. You don’t always get from point A to point B by only moving forward. Sometimes you have to turn around or take a step back to make sure you’re on the right path. Sometimes you have to undo what you’ve done.

That’s what 2018 brought me. I spent months at the bottom of a pit trying to undo and redo the progress I thought I had made. The article mentions that instead that instead of creating a list of strict resolutions, such a run 3 times a week, that we should choose a theme. I would definitely say my theme last year was progress. It would be foolish to think I had not accomplished that goal.

As I sit here today I know these things:

  1. I made it through the year
  2. I started to find my voice again, even if only through a text or blog or Instagram post.
  3. I stopped trying to run away from problems and started trying to work through them

Failing through these things has been hard and worth it. With every step I take, I can breath a little better. I have been to the point where I thought I was cured and then fallen right back into my same bad habits. This time, I didn’t let that stop me. I messed up a lot this year. I accepted my faults and worked towards forgiving myself for them.

Before reading this article I had begun creating a list of resolutions I felt ready to tackle this year. Without knowing it, I found a theme. The first things I wrote was healing. Though I’m still working on what that means for me, I know that 2019 will be challenging in so many ways and that it will all be worth it in the end.

Before I bid you adieu, I want to say thank you. Thank you for taking the time to read my blogs. Thank you for your comments through texts and comments and even just a like on what ever platform you found this blog on. Thank you for your support. It really makes a difference.  I have had a lot of passions over the years and I think this one has been the most consistent. Without you reading, I wouldn’t be able to continue. Thank you.

4 Comments Add yours

  1. May 2019 bring you many more positives than negatives, Rebekah. I don’t think I’ve ever said it before, but I’m much more interested in seeing who you become than who you were. Leave that nasty past behind!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Katie DeWitt says:

    Beautiful inspiration for us who lose track of our big why and to realize how far we may have come on self progress without even realizing it. You got it this year, keep going!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Katie! 🖤

      Like

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